Inspired
I originally wrote the content below two months ago but have since struggled in naming my blog, until today. Here goes:
I’ve been mourning the year-long Asia trip that Nick and I took in 2010 (nickandtysbigadventure.blogspot.com). I use the word mourn because I miss it like I miss my dad who died last December. We’ve been home for almost a year and half, meaning that many of the experiences happened well over two years ago, yet the memories feel like they happened today. An image from the narrow side street where we lived on Samui flashes before my eyes, and I’m there, jogging, with the morning sun intermittently warming my face through the palms. Memories from some of the other countries we visited seem more distant, but the butterflies of the new experiences still flap their wings within me. The trip represented freedom and adventure; it made us free and adventurers. Now, after working all day, we stay home most evenings, playing with our 6-month-old son, Koa, and when he goes to bed we stream Netflix. We recently started watching The Wonder Years from the beginning. Daniel Stern’s voice opened one episode with the following words, which made me think.
“When you're a little kid ... you're a little bit of everything -- artist, scientist, athlete, scholar. Sometimes it seems like growing up is the process of giving those things up, one by one.”
Instead of being “a little bit of everything”, as adults our lives become about our few roles. For the last six months I’ve been adjusting to my new role. Motherhood, one of the most heart-opening, wondrous and rewarding experiences of my life, is assuredly the most demanding. It is sucking the life out of my other selves, squeezing the juice from the final pieces of my pulp. Life is about letting go of the ego and roles and the notion of self, so it’s okay that I’m not an artist, scientist, athlete, scholar...adventurer...free. However, while filling out an interest survey for my school’s PTA, I struggled with the “favorite thing to do/hobby” portion. Hmm. In theory, I like to write, paint, read, hike, travel, play tennis, jog... The list was endless at one point in my life. I struggled with this because I feel like I’ve suspended all of the activities I once loved to focus on motherhood while also working. I felt like I’d be lying if I were to write anything on that line besides “pump and portion breastmilk” and “play with Koa.” Hesitantly, I settled on “write” and “hike”, having not stroked a key since April nor stomped a waffle since Thailand.
So although letting go of the ego and roles means I do not need to be anything because I am, I do need to do, so here I am at 3 a.m., doing.
I’ve been mourning the year-long Asia trip that Nick and I took in 2010 (nickandtysbigadventure.blogspot.com). I use the word mourn because I miss it like I miss my dad who died last December. We’ve been home for almost a year and half, meaning that many of the experiences happened well over two years ago, yet the memories feel like they happened today. An image from the narrow side street where we lived on Samui flashes before my eyes, and I’m there, jogging, with the morning sun intermittently warming my face through the palms. Memories from some of the other countries we visited seem more distant, but the butterflies of the new experiences still flap their wings within me. The trip represented freedom and adventure; it made us free and adventurers. Now, after working all day, we stay home most evenings, playing with our 6-month-old son, Koa, and when he goes to bed we stream Netflix. We recently started watching The Wonder Years from the beginning. Daniel Stern’s voice opened one episode with the following words, which made me think.“When you're a little kid ... you're a little bit of everything -- artist, scientist, athlete, scholar. Sometimes it seems like growing up is the process of giving those things up, one by one.”
Instead of being “a little bit of everything”, as adults our lives become about our few roles. For the last six months I’ve been adjusting to my new role. Motherhood, one of the most heart-opening, wondrous and rewarding experiences of my life, is assuredly the most demanding. It is sucking the life out of my other selves, squeezing the juice from the final pieces of my pulp. Life is about letting go of the ego and roles and the notion of self, so it’s okay that I’m not an artist, scientist, athlete, scholar...adventurer...free. However, while filling out an interest survey for my school’s PTA, I struggled with the “favorite thing to do/hobby” portion. Hmm. In theory, I like to write, paint, read, hike, travel, play tennis, jog... The list was endless at one point in my life. I struggled with this because I feel like I’ve suspended all of the activities I once loved to focus on motherhood while also working. I felt like I’d be lying if I were to write anything on that line besides “pump and portion breastmilk” and “play with Koa.” Hesitantly, I settled on “write” and “hike”, having not stroked a key since April nor stomped a waffle since Thailand.
So although letting go of the ego and roles means I do not need to be anything because I am, I do need to do, so here I am at 3 a.m., doing.
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