The Adventuress Seeks

“Play the Stitch song, mama!” my daughter exclaimed with a smile, hugging her Stitch stuffy on the car ride home from dropping her brother off at school. The soundtrack began with an upbeat tune about only wanting to be surfing in the ocean, and I was immediately transported to the warm comfort of sitting on my board with my feet dangling in the water and the heart-pumping joy of seeing the waves coming. My subconscious kicked in.  It’s weird knowing you were born in the wrong place and culture.  But then I remembered I was born in the right place – the Big Island, Hawaii – but in the wrong set of circumstances, or rather the wrong set of circumstances for my idealized version of what my life could have been. I’ve reflected a lot over the last few days in conversations with friends regarding adoption and the accompanying feelings of longing. I wonder if those of you who grew up in what could be considered “normal,” stable families with two loving, present parents have experie...

The best compliment I have ever received, and one I can’t imagine being overshadowed in my lifetime, my four-year-old daughter has said to me semi-regularly over the last six months. Sometimes it’s when she asks me to lay down with her before or after her nap; other times it’s when she wants to be picked up. She’ll get as close to me as possible, wiggling the whole time like she’s trying to cover herself with my warmth. She’ll smush her cheek into mine to the point of discomfort and inevitably jam her shoulder into my throat. But then…   “You’re so cozy! You’re always so cozy!”    These words are the greatest gift to my mama heart.  They express a feeling I wish my birth to four-year-old self could have experienced. As a child in and out of foster care until four years old, I was so often lonely, scared, and cold. These words are my greatest gift because they mean I’m giving my daughter the greatest gift: a pillar of warmth and love.    A pillar of war...

Yesterday I took Koa (7) and  Kalea  (19 months) to Arena Sports to play in the bouncy house area.  Koa ran off on his own and I shadowed  Kalea  as she explored.  While I stood watching her through the mesh wall of the bouncy house, I heard a brash voice beside me,  "Hey! Not cool, man!"  My eyes automatically shifted toward the voice, finding a thirty-something woman. I followed her gaze into the bouncy house to the subject of her disapproval.  This "man" she was speaking to was a three year old boy who was playing with her three year old boy.  The two boys went on playing, seemingly oblivious to any issue. I observed their play: smiles on the faces of both, giggles streaming out of them as they chased each other while grasping the squishy gator-skin dodgeballs, threatening to attack.   "Carson! You need to come out of there.  That boy is not choosing to be kind. He's already pushed you down once and I don't ne...

Isn’t it interesting how some people are suspended in time within your memory? When I think back to my high school biology teacher and calculate what her age must be now, it’s jolting, and a little worrisome. Forty five or so at the time (although the perspective of age is skewed for the youth, so it’s hard to say). Is she still alive? My high school French teacher is surely gone because he was ancient even then, but I’ll save him for another story. Mrs. Ehnes, or was is Ms.? She’s one of the few teachers with whom I felt a bond.  I ate lunch in her room most days with some friends. On one lunch visit I mentioned how my dad was bribing me for good grades.”My dad said he’d buy me a computer if I get an A in science.”  I don’t recall her response but the topic shifted like they tend to do with several girls surrounding a table with a lone adult.  I was not a good student because I was lazy. I think I tried a bit harder for Ms. Ehnes because I liked he...

I am intrigued by the topic of inspiration.  I've listened to Joe Rogan podcasts lately where incredible individuals have discussed their accomplishments.  Sharing their stories has helped other people pursue their dreams.   Colin  O’Brady   (podcast link) was the first person to cross Antarctica by foot alone, dragging a  350-pound  sled.  He discussed entering a flow state and how his mental endurance was integral in achieving this physical feat.  This was not his first major accomplishment.  He is also the world record holder for the Explorers Grand Slam, a challenge to make it to the North Pole, South Pole, and the highest peaks on each of the seven continents.  In his twenties he had major injuries due to burns from a flaming jump rope accident in Thailand which resulted in tendon damage that should have prevented him from walking normally.  His inspiration to heal? His mother’s positivity and her helping him ...

To parents who have or have had six and seven - year - olds, do you find yourself frequently frustrated, or is it just me?    As I sit at Starbucks and watch a mom loading her 18 - month son in the car ,  she playfully lifts him high in the air for a smile, kisses him and repeats.  I reminisce on the relationship I had with Koa when he was that age – the playfulness, silliness, tenderness – it was pure love.  Any wrongdoing was seen as a teachable moment.  Patience was of abundance, relatively speaking.  Same with my relationship with  Kalea  (10.5 months). Although she’s an easy - going baby, she’s BUSY and a little demanding. Still, patience comes fairly naturally since she’s so new.     I miss that with Koa.  As I reflect on this morning (and most mornings this week), my own voice echoes in my mind, a stream of directions, increasing in volume and irritation with each repetition. As each  of my  re...